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Periphery

a record of mundane things that have stuck in my mind, and what they may mean.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Today I ate pork

It was at a friend's bridal shower. The order was messed up. We were all nearly through eating when someone came around to inform us. I feel foolish, because I ate like an animal. It was good food, but sometimes when I'm thinking of other things, I just sorta eat without taking the time or noticing much of anything. My sister was telling me that it tastes like fish that she wasn't familiar with. I just ate.

Afterwards, two cups of coffee, a cup of chia two hours later, then chamomile tea just an hour ago. Nothing is helping. I've got paranoia about that pork and it's translated in my mouth as a very unpleasant taste, or tinge of something.

Long time since I last posted. Classes are over. I've been rediscovering my brothers and sisters in faith and their goodness. A few things helped in that: the every-other-weekly classes with AM that I spoke about earlier (Henceforward, AM shall be known as Ahmed Uncle), Ingrid Mattsonís wonderful speech a week ago, and then my lovely friends, elders, and students Iíve been seeing lately.

Throughout my young adulthood, Iíve always either resented the Muslim community, been baffled by it, or just plain tired of dealing with it. Thatís partly the reason I stopped teaching at the Muslim school last year (note: partly). I always expected the adults to show the way, to have a plan. For the most part, they didnít. When they had coherence and vision, I hung on to them, giving them all the loyalty and respect I couldnít use on the others. So I did have heroes. A few Islamic studies teachers. The principal. My parents. Ahmed Uncle and Huma Aunty. But they were all exceptions. And then Iíd see people doing something right, trying to put their priorities right, and they were badmouthed. Teaching last year, I knew our school had no mission that I could understand or work towards. It was meaningless. They only read it an in-service because strengthening the mission was a suggestion from a teacher. At the same time, celebrating birthdays was the biggest sin on earth, as bad as playing cards during lunch time.

Itís not useful to see just that in a community, itís neglecting a lot of their collective goodness. So hereís a list:
Good is in my old student who used to focus so hard at a point in her mind, that I could almost see her create it before me in air. Look at this class for instance.
Good is in my friend, who had a brain surgery last year. She was saying today that the only thing she could hear, when all was noise and confusion was, ďAllah only tests those that he loves.Ē
Good is also in my friend the soon-to-be-bride who didnít shape her eyebrows, out of conviction that itís wrong.

I meant to write a little about Ahmed Uncleís talks and Ingridís lecture, but I better brush my teeth and go to sleep.

7 Comments:

At 10:31 PM, SyedSajidNizami [TallDarkHandsome] said...

i dont live where you do .. but more i get to know u ppl .. more i see that ur more closer to Allah then we r ..

i guess we take our morality fer granted .. which is bad

 
At 12:28 AM, Anonymous said...

I remember a few years ago, telling my mum "I wish I could be a Muslim without the Muslim community" and I really meant it.

When the U.S. declared war on Afghanistan in 2001, not ONE Muslim organization spoke out against it. When my club tried to raise money for orphans and poor in Afghanistan, we were discouraged by our Muslim elders. When the three major Muslim charities, and their finances, were frozen at the end of Ramadan (which meant all the Muslim donation money wasn't going to got to the poor) and the Prez. did not offer any reason, any court case, nothing... we were told to stay quiet about it. I was never more confused and angry with nearly every Muslim adult then.

But more than anything with the Muslim Organizations who came out with press releases supporting the war. big freakin--ugh, what was the point of organizing ourselves if we only wanted to hide under our beds when things got difficult? maybe I was young and "foolhardy" or whatever.

anyhow, I'm glad you posted. it makes me think of all the really good Muslims I know. but do our prayers go any deeper than our throats?

 
At 12:28 AM, Anonymous said...

I remember a few years ago, telling my mum "I wish I could be a Muslim without the Muslim community" and I really meant it.

When the U.S. declared war on Afghanistan in 2001, not ONE Muslim organization spoke out against it. When my club tried to raise money for orphans and poor in Afghanistan, we were discouraged by our Muslim elders. When the three major Muslim charities, and their finances, were frozen at the end of Ramadan (which meant all the Muslim donation money wasn't going to got to the poor) and the Prez. did not offer any reason, any court case, nothing... we were told to stay quiet about it. I was never more confused and angry with nearly every Muslim adult then.

But more than anything with the Muslim Organizations who came out with press releases supporting the war. big freakin--ugh, what was the point of organizing ourselves if we only wanted to hide under our beds when things got difficult? maybe I was young and "foolhardy" or whatever.

anyhow, I'm glad you posted. it makes me think of all the really good Muslims I know. but do our prayers go any deeper than our throats?

 
At 12:28 AM, Anonymous said...

I remember a few years ago, telling my mum "I wish I could be a Muslim without the Muslim community" and I really meant it.

When the U.S. declared war on Afghanistan in 2001, not ONE Muslim organization spoke out against it. When my club tried to raise money for orphans and poor in Afghanistan, we were discouraged by our Muslim elders. When the three major Muslim charities, and their finances, were frozen at the end of Ramadan (which meant all the Muslim donation money wasn't going to got to the poor) and the Prez. did not offer any reason, any court case, nothing... we were told to stay quiet about it. I was never more confused and angry with nearly every Muslim adult then.

But more than anything with the Muslim Organizations who came out with press releases supporting the war. big freakin--ugh, what was the point of organizing ourselves if we only wanted to hide under our beds when things got difficult? maybe I was young and "foolhardy" or whatever.

anyhow, I'm glad you posted. it makes me think of all the really good Muslims I know. but do our prayers go any deeper than our throats?

 
At 12:29 AM, Anonymous said...

erm--sorry!

 
At 11:55 PM, SyedSajidNizami [TallDarkHandsome] said...

I remember a few years ago, telling my mum "I wish I could be a Muslim without the Muslim community" and I really meant it. <<<--- thats true .. muslims are biggest hypocrites ..

When the U.S. declared war on Afghanistan in 2001, not ONE Muslim organization spoke out against it. When my club tried to raise money for orphans and poor in Afghanistan, we were discouraged by our Muslim elders. When the three major Muslim charities, and their finances, were frozen at the end of Ramadan (which meant all the Muslim donation money wasn't going to got to the poor) and the Prez. did not offer any reason, any court case, nothing... we were told to stay quiet about it. I was never more confused and angry with nearly every Muslim adult then. <<--- see like i said earlier ... untill someone feels the real pain .. he/she wont know whats happenin .. we dont think of those ppl as our brothers .. small communities are actually more understanding .. muslims are a lot bigger .. too many ethnicities and they just disregard it .. may be thats the Gods plan to proceed forward with.. sometimes suffering is necessary to bring out the best from the people.

But more than anything with the Muslim Organizations who came out with press releases supporting the war. big freakin--ugh, what was the point of organizing ourselves if we only wanted to hide under our beds when things got difficult? maybe I was young and "foolhardy" or whatever. <<-- sigh .. sad but true .. powerlessness gives creeps !!

anyhow, I'm glad you posted. it makes me think of all the really good Muslims I know. but do our prayers go any deeper than our throats? <<-- :)) .. i want to say another sad but true here .. am not good .. i am pretty much teh worst u wud find .. its just something that speaks up inside when i read this stuff .. guess u can change a persons lifestyle but u cant take the soul out of a person easily ... prayers are all we can do .. atleast they leave us with hope..

TO THE BLOG OWNER: sorry fer using ur blog as a posting place .. i just cudnt resist

 
At 4:05 PM, Sara said...

Mind? Not at all, I appreciate all your comments.

 

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